Ask a Stupid Question, Get an Insane Answer

Because he does.

What is the weather like?

Like sex on the beach.

Why does water not taste like anything?

Because, many years ago, 2 evil twin octopuses named larry and tom latched themselves to your tap; and in perpetuity, they have been sucking out every bit of flavor out of your water in an attempt to relieve their insatiable craving for laffy taffy. (water really tastes like laffy taffy, you've just never known that)

Why is it 2:12 in the morning?

Because it is now 10:04 in the...now 10:05

Why is the weather so crap for summertime?

Because the south USA is burning. (Really, it is.)

Why do I suddenly have the urge to dance?

Because the giant crown-of-thorns starfish decided to mate with the Forum Overlady Hello Kitty and it sired the monstrosity known as James Brown, who has the funk to cause you to get your groove on.

How do I start making good electro-music?

By buying an electro-guitar.

Why is the sky blue?

because a very long long time ago, the world was ruled by a smurf.

Why do people piss in the woods?

Because they don't like taking craps and wiping with leaves.

What happens if pinocchio says, "My nose will now grow?"

The equivalent of dividing by zero.

Where is waldo?

Up your bum on the second hand shelf.
Why do I have a girlfriend?

Because you're straight.

Why won't my damn speakers work!!?!? ( )

Because you're banging your head on them.

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck norris?

none, the wood would kill itself.

?sdrawkcab siht gnitirw I ma yhW

Because you're in China.

Why is grass green?

Because you're on the other side.

Why does it cost money to live?

It's only green when the sky is orange and the whole of Canada turns burgundy.

How do I stop pulling muscles in my left leg?

Stop attaching your arms to a solid pole and stop attaching your legs to that moving truck.

Why did I have to get sick?

Because the human body is too pathetic to fight off infections and bacteria. Hell, it can't even regenerate limbs.

Why cant the knights in chess go in a straight line?

because their horse has to take a shit. and the only way he can take a shit, is if he's in the air.

Why is China so overpopulated?

BP caused it. Everything bad that has ever happened is directly or indirectly the result of the action or inaction of British Petroleum.

Why is Morgan Freeman narrating a science fiction tv show?

Because the North American need for cheap toys and electronics is so abundant, that China needs a huge population just to keep up with the workload

How did I manage to be in such a great mood?

Cause BP altered the climate around Nova Scotia. The strange chemicals in the air caused your strange euphoria.

Why was I so stupid to string multiple classes together?

I think there's no need to respond to that one

Can I possibly be more awesome?

You're not awesome.

Why does he think he's awesome?

Because he is. Godlike awesome really.

Why is there doubt about my awesomeness?

Because he is. Godlike awesome really.

Why is there doubt about my awesomeness?

Because. You're really not awesome.

No question?

But...but...I got a star today...... whimper....BAAAAAAAAAAHAAAWWWWHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA


Aw look what you did, you made him cry, shame on you!

I'm shameless. No shame.

Why is this so?

Because you have nothing to live for and you want to die at the hands of Skar, the Shadow of Death.


Why'd I make a Darkspore reference?

Because you're awesome, but not as much as me.

Why is Philly attractive despite his shamelessness?

genetics.

Drugs drugs drugs. Why?

Cause drugs are cool cause everyone has AIDS cause I joined the fencing club.

Why do I have the feeling that I won't have time for half the stuff for which I signed up?

Because time was created so that nobody could have enough of it.

Who is killing all of our tomato plants?

The Mexicans are killing the tomatoes to use as compost for mushroom farms.

Why does it feel so weird to do laundry in school for the first time?

Because you're in the washing machine.

Why is Philly wasting time on the internet when there is drinking to do?

Cause I have classes at 9 every morning and hangovers are NOT fun >_<

Why does the detergent make me woozy?

Because you bought it at your local sketchy pizza parlour

Why can't I find motivation to do productive things on my day off?

You're waiting for Revenant, the Deathraider of the Stars to kill you!

If you were a hero from Darkspore, which one would you be? (Please choose a hero from the actual game. Research it if you have to.)

Fuck darkspore, fuck heroes, fuck everything!

Why the fuck?

Because the Offspring

Kristy, are you doing okay?

The Kids Aren't Alright!

Was that intentional?

A glossary of American Football?

Does anyone have any tips on how to make gin a palatable drink without vermouth or tonic water?

Yes. Pour it down the drain, reprimand yourself for having gin in the first place, and make yourself a nice vodka tonic. Or just do shots of tequila if you're in the mood for a nice headache tomorrow (only mixtos like Cuervo will do that, though.)

Can you give me 50 shot glasses?

Yes. One is merely cracked.

Can I turn helium into gold?

Sure, but it's voice may be somewhat high pitched.

What direction is the wind?

Out
Why am I not a member of mensa

Because your muscles should be tensa.

What would happen if Gaddafi controlled the USA?

It would become a country everybody liked again

What if up was really down?