Flashtrek news service

Welcome the Flashtrek news service! (Sponsored by Thingyos, a cereal for REAL men! ( Side effects include but are not limited to dizzyness, cramps, mutation, fainting and slow fiery death. Not to be consumed by children, adults, babies or carbon/silicon based entities below or above the age of 0. )

(Remember the funny news thread? This is pretty much identical.)

Mr fluffykins did not survive the fall... A memorial will be held this afternoon in the fluffykins memorial hospital for fluffy animals.

A man calling himself ''Thingy'' was arrested in Hötorget (Hay square in English) for indecent exposure. According to Swedish police, the man had been walking around the square dressed only in images of famous actor Edward James Olmos and informing bystanders of ''Olmos day'' and ''The cult of Olmos''.

In other news, a strange phenomenon is being studied in the Swedish science academy. Around the time of the previous report, thousands of females in the stockholm area below the age of 35 reported involuntary panty dropping. At first, only a few hundred were affected, but after an hour, almost all attractive females below the age of 35 had reported their panties suddenly dropping to the ground. The scientists have made no progress as of yet.

...And now over to Darkwing for the Entertainment Report


"Thank you, this week we see the release of Saw 972, which is the 972nd sequel to the acclaimed Saw movie. They are about releasing a new film every two weeks and DVD producer can not keep up with the demand of so many new Saw films. In this version of Saw, we get to see more people tortured as they play the game. If some new and original content comes to the Saw franchise, you are to contact the FBI and report that the Saw films have had new and original content. If this happens, this most likely means it is a terrorist attack, at trying to get the North American race to think about what they're watching, and our whole way of life could be at stake.

In other entertainment news, James Cameron has made enough money that he has purchased both the planet Earth and Pandora, and intends to shoot his sequel on location at Pandora.

And that's it for entertainment news! Over to mark with the sport news. Anything new from the Olympics?

Yes, we have some spectacular news from the Olympic village in Vancouver. A camera crew from channel 5 recorded the US team performing fellatio on their own genitalia in their cabin. When asked to comment, a member of team USA's personal medical team said ''Performing fellatio on your own genitalia is anatomically impossible for most normal people, but team USA is not normal. Some of them were born without the middle row of ribs, and are therefore capable of bending forward much further than most people. This has however had unfortunate consequences on their brain, the ones that suffered from the mutation are considered borderline retarded.''

And in the global weather forecast, the border of Switzerland will experience some minor rain...of monkeys. These monkeys are non-hostile and are simply interested in bananas. However, seeing as Switzerland is short on bananas, it would be helpful if you would dial our toll free number 1-800-Ban-anas and donate to this worthy cause

And now over to Ms. Shadows for our latest report on crime.


Well, today we had an old lady arrested for trying to jaywalk across St. Frederics Avenue while carrying a toy poodle in her right hand. We also had to arrest the last reporter for various undesireable statements dealing with my body.. He is currently in the hospitle while they remove a 2 meter long lead pipe from his left foot. And now, as I am speaking, there is a high speed chase of a naked midget running amok in the ice rink... that must be a very undesirable place right now...

We have breaking news... A vial of the T-Virus was dropped by an Umbrella Corporation resarcher, and the virus has spread to the community of ''Twitter''. Casualties are estimated to be at least one hundred thousand.

We will continue reporting on the crisis as it develops.

I'm here at the site now Thingy, and it's disastrous, thousands, if not millions of people posting their useless information are dropping like flies, I don't think we've had a worse incident so Y2K

The local government and nearby communities have promised to aid the people and dogs of twitter, have you seen any of that aid yet? And are there any measures being taken to protect the thousands of messages reporting on the uninteresting and sometimes gross activities of the twitter community?

Well, I must say this doesn't come as a surprise to me.. I am the one to blame for said T-Virus outbreak.. but does anyone really want to help the twittards? I'm quite glad that I never joined.. Useless information is not something I want to read as of late..

Did you know I'm wearing blue jeans today?

And now back to you Thingy

For people who are joining us now, an internet transmitted virus was released by doctor Terra Shadows earlier today. The virus has spread to the massive community of ''Twitter'', and casualties are in the millions.

We have professor Knirf joining us from facebook, one of Twitter's neighbour communities. Professor, what can you tell us about the situation?


''Well, Thingy. The situation is very grave, almost half of the useless crap on twitter will be lost to the virus, even if all the measures possible are taken. This will have a massive impact on the future of our culture. Wouldnt it be horrible if your grandchildren couldnt read messages like this one ''Taking a shit.'', or ''Aah, shit is coming out of my arse'' or, even worse, ''I feel like scratching my crotch. Cant because grandparents are in the room''.

Yes... It is indeed a horrible situation. We will continue reporting as the situation develops.

This is Thingy, and i am not wearing any underwear.

That is... quite intersting there Thingy... well, in other news, we have a major outbreak of undead Twittards now trying to post some very random stuff.. and well... as one survivor of the massacre states: "it was very... interesting.. mostly about eating.. and food... and.. AAAHHH THEY-" Well.. it seems that the connection feed to Twitter has been severed....

In other news, there are statements of disbelief from many religious leaders at the size of the jugs on Terra's new avatar. Whilst some have called for reductive surgery to avoid back problems in later life, the Dalai Lama has said he is pleased to see them.

...and to Mr.Borg for Conflicts Today..

The number of conflicts just keep RISING and RISING!! American Surveys point to 2500 public opinion conflicts and adding 100 a day!

Popular conflicts:

CEO of Microsoft, Shemual, expresses his opinion on the "retardness" of the "Ipad". He compares it to "Sticky Tack/blue Tack". Clearly, the Blue Tack wins.

IE sucks! Several UnIdentified People (SUP's) have expressed there opinion on the suckyness of Internet Explorer.

It's slow, it's ugly, and it's simply outdated.

Go for Firefox or Chrome! For more information, click on Shemual's signature!

and in other news, hell froze over today as MNIM rejoined FT:TUF and Justin Bieber was named one of people's magazine's most beautiful people.

Darkwing wrote:and in other news, hell froze over today as MNIM rejoined FT:TUF

LIES!


I keep hell on a nicely warm and cosy temperature. Hey, can't expect me to live in a living hell like that, huh?

Darkwing wrote:Justin Bieber was named one of people's magazine's most beautiful people.

Probably was, too. Luckiest 15 year-old alive.

Now to the movies...the Earth Link Productions has just released a footage of the experimental Morning Star Fighters and they are currently flying around in the asteroid belt of the Solar System. Please do not go there though as they are guarded by Spitfires.

So tell us how the fighter works?

(And anyone can post right?)

Well, how the fighter works is really unknown and irrelevant. When making something like a series, worrying about how ships work is generally the very last thing to ever be touched on, if it even is at all. Some things are discussed some so that there's a principle of physics applied to it and so that each ship of a particular design acts appropriately. A ship like this for instance is very fast and highly manueverable

Mr.Borg wrote:...and to Mr.Borg for Conflicts Today..

The number of conflicts just keep RISING and RISING!! American Surveys point to 2500 public opinion conflicts and adding 100 a day!

Popular conflicts:

CEO of Microsoft, Shemual, expresses his opinion on the "retardness" of the "Ipad". He compares it to "Sticky Tack/blue Tack". Clearly, the Blue Tack wins.

IE sucks! Several UnIdentified People (SUP's) have expressed there opinion on the suckyness of Internet Explorer.

It's slow, it's ugly, and it's simply outdated.

UPDATE: I'm trying to uses the older version of Internet Explorer. God, every picture that is supposed to have a transparent background is white! Another reason not to use IE, the idiot exploiter as terra said.
Go for Firefox or Chrome! For more information, click on Shemual's signature!

This is Final Frontier here, I'm trying to use the Internet Explorer and everything seems to be slow herefgttrggdshsdfhhhhddzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..........

Hi I'm back at Firefox. As seen above, I'm trying to use the new version of Internet Explorer. It does stupid things like saying that an error has occurred and has to close.

And from an unidentified person he said that Chrome was so slow his computer nearly crashed. And he can't even delete it!

From a survey more than 3 quarters of the globe have given up Internet Explorer and are going for safari and firefox.

Now onto Darkwing for reports on Google pulling out from china. (Old news, but still...)

April 29th is now marked international forum happy day as the user FF was banned for excessive stupid question asking and general annoyance. People celebrated globally marking the largest celebration in the history of ever.

Particular hatred for him was generated over his use of absolute lies as statistics. (look two posts up and facepalm)

Shemuel wrote:

Darkwing wrote:Justin Bieber was named one of people's magazine's most beautiful people.

Probably was, too. Luckiest 15 year-old alive.

Yea, but his life is turning around. He's going to go through puberty soon and his voice is going to get low. Have you noticead that in his recent songs, his voice cracks a bit when he goes high? (Not that I listen to them)


Anyways....

THE NEWS

People Died Today.

May is the official Asian Heritage Month.

They found a secret drug lag in a school in Canada, Ontairio.

And now, please enjoy this slightly disturbing picture.