For Jtull

Jtull wrote:It was not because I was on a date but because she provided both a complete source of comfort and security for me and that is not her place thus stopping from turning to God when I was troubled. I was the same for her, neither of us liked being in that place so we broke up to focus on getting that part of our lives in the right place. I also tended to lean on her when I felt bad and that was hurting her so I am trying to learn to deal with stuff myself.

“... but because she provided both a complete source of comfort and security for me and that is not her place...”

Actually, it is. Why else would there be love? What is love? What is the purpose of love? These are all questions that spring to mind from reading this passage. God put Eve on earth for Adam to give him such things. It was God himself who made us capable of love, who gives us love and wants us to love in return. Remember God is more than just some mystical word of a being that exists beyond our reach or only through prayer. God is in every one of us and most importantly in those we love. By loving others, we love God, by using them as support, comfort, security, we in turn use God for said things. By loving another individual it in no way reduces or gets in the way of using God for support and comfort. God can only give so much in a weird way, there comes a point where we need physical interaction, physical love, support and security and it was God who not only set these things in place, but said they were good, in fact some of the most important things ever.
It is near impossible to know God’s will, but that’s the way it’s supposed to be, however, there are some instances in which God has made it almost crystal clear as to what he wants. And what he wants is for people to love each other. To have an intimate relationship because it glorifies him and that is the purpose of life, to glorify God. It shows that his creation is good and shows an element of God that is most important.
So it is absolutely her place to be your source of comfort, security and support. Through her, God will communicate to you, God will help you in the way that he sees best for his plan and remember, it is just that, his plan, not yours. So no matter what you do, it is not interfering in his plan, but it is 100% part of it. And I can tell you right now, if you love her and if she loves you and you know that it’s real, not just some person to get some cheap thrills off of, then you are meant to use every fiber in your being to be with her, love her, care for her and support her in everything that she does. In turn, she will do the same to you and because of that, God is your support.


“... I also tended to lean on her when I felt bad and that was hurting her so I am trying to learn to deal with stuff myself.”

Again I reiterate, why else have a companion? Why else have a lover if not to lean on her, she will help show you the light, she will give your clarity as God best sees fit. And you will give her clarity. No you don’t use her as a punching bag to just unnecessarily vent your emotions and she shouldn’t do that to you, though it will be necessary to do so at times. But you two are supposed to be there for each other, to work through all of the tough spots in life. As much as you will want to say that is God’s role, you are only right to a degree. God will only help with so much and even then, God will through pain at you, trouble and torment, he will test you, try you and if you haven’t someone to lean on, someone to share the burden, then you will never learn.

Jtull wrote:I fear the worst of my choice. however it was something we had both discussed at lenth. to put it really simply we felt we needed to grow up some more before continuing. As a man who would like to think himself as someone of integrity I will not go back on my choice.

“... to put it really simply we felt we needed to grow up some more before continuing....”

I will agree there is a time when a person is too young for a relationship, however, we are always too young for a relationship. We can never truly grasp the complexity and difficulty of it until we actually do it. And the only way to grow is by learning and the only way to learn is to experience. Observation will only get you so far and you have to be pretty damned good at it to even make a little sense out of it without ever living it. In my opinion and from what I have seen of other people, all separating ever does is just distances you from the other person. It doesn’t make you grow, if anything it works the opposite. The only way to grow and to learn is to actually do it, to live through the relationship (which will hopefully be your entire life) and you will always grow. There won’t be a point ever (and especially separated) where it’ll just suddenly click or ding and a little voice will come over the intercomm and say “you have now grown, please enjoy your relationship.” Up to the day you die you will be growing with the relationship and you will never be “old enough” for it. You will always be too young, too inexperienced and that is why you must live it through to the bitter end.

“... As a man who would like to think himself as someone of integrity I will not go back on my choice....”

I have already talked about this in short. A man who never turns back is a coward and is selfish. Granted, there is such a thing as strategic retreat, cutting your losses, but only for the greater good and to just use that as an excuse to walk away from something is like I said, cowardice. A man (or any person for that matter) who realizes when they’re wrong and has the guts to turn around and no matter the cost to your ego, verbalizes it and tries to make right, that is a man with integrity.

Jtull wrote:ok sure I will hear it. a wise man never rejects counsel. This was not a decision based on any bible verse it was a decision made on both our parts so each of us could grow in faith and in wisdom before we dated again. basicly time away from each other to work stuff out especially since the many traumatic events lately we have some figuring out to do. well I do.

“... This was not a decision based on any bible verse it was a decision made on both our parts so each of us could grow in faith and in wisdom before we dated again....”

Already touched on growing so I’ll move onto wisdom. Wisdom comes with life and life is experience. Again, the only way to become wise, is to experience and the only way to experience, is to live. You will not grow in relationship wisdom without living the relationship. It will open your eyes and let you see what is around you. Walking away only closes them.

“... especially since the many traumatic events lately we have some figuring out to do...”

Whatever is going on in your life, be it the earthquakes or other elements that are unknown to me, I feel for you and urge you to stay strong, remain resolute and not let it destroy your soul. But I can only do so much for you. A companion would do so much more and you would do that much more for her too.

All in all, the decision is between you two, however I would strongly urge that you re-evaluate it unless there is some really stand-out reasons as to why the two of you shouldn’t be together that I am unaware of. Tragedy is the best time for love and togetherness, it is one time when we all have common goals and common weaknesses and to conquer weakness, you need strength and to have strength, you need an army and in this case, one is all it takes.

And assuming there is nothing suspicious about JLS and that she is exactly who she is supposed to be, then I would think you a fool to throw something like that away. People like that don't come along everyday and your heart's going to yearn for her if you love her and that will get in the way of God because it will become a lust and lust is sin. Love is not.

Oh god... The TL;DR... It... It hurts.

Just... Collect yourself thingy... GAAAAAAAAAAH! *charges the text*

Ok so i only read the first paragraph as i have to go to work now, but what DW has said carries much weight, to much of the god stuff in it for me though. DW you say your not good at socialising i could think of alot of girls who would love a speech like that, shortened of course.

@thingy ARRRRR man the harpons!!!!

You hit the nail on the head on... Well... Everything. One up.

leewatson1 wrote:Ok so i only read the first paragraph as i have to go to work now, but what DW has said carries much weight, to much of the god stuff in it for me though. DW you say your not good at socialising i could think of alot of girls who would love a speech like that, shortened of course.

@thingy ARRRRR man the harpons!!!!

Well, the God bit was necessary for this one, I adapt with every situation I encounter. But I have actually spent more time helping people stay together or getting together than I have separating them, but I have had situations in which people breaking up or getting over a break-up was crucial. But yeah, there's a bit of a romantic in me beneath my coldness

Ok guys well I don't really wanna make a new topic for this so just so you know you guys were right and my and JLS1233 are going to get back together. as soon as my mind is back where it should be it will go back and I will go back to actually being happy again and talkitve.

Good day

btw DW your right

You have earned 1 free man hugz, *crys* it's so cute when they grow up. No congrats dude she's quite a catch.

Cheers mate, we are not gonna be officially dating again for a while cos well lets be honest my mind is still messed up since the earthquake I dunno whats wrong with it so untill I know its being put on 'hold' so its kinda just a break at the moment.

When I'm right, I'm right

And when you're wrong, you're wrong.

No, I'm just good looking

Ah, Narcissus, beware your reflection.

Nah, my reflection takes one look at me, says "Damn, he's beautiful, too beautiful" and doesn't reflect anything cause there's no way to reflect this much beauty

You sure it doesn't just turn to stone like everything else?

Yeah, but thanks for ruining my moment.

Ah well, at least you don't turn everything to slurry

I can't say I know what you're talking about