I Would Like Everyone to Read This

This is a chat archive from tonight. I think everyone needs to read this, it's very important.

[23:44:37 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : y'know i had a thought the other day

[23:44:40 12/05/10] Toa Kaita : Meh. It could be better.

[23:44:54 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : i was thinking about friends actually

[23:44:58 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : about people

[23:45:06 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : as i'm continually thinking about this

[23:45:06 12/05/10] Toa Kaita : Oh?

[23:45:20 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : trying to figure it out if you know what I mean

[23:45:36 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : trying to figure out where i fit into the puzzle of life

[23:46:06 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : and i got to thinking about this site

[23:46:11 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : and the people i've met here

[23:46:23 12/05/10] @ Thingy : ...

[23:46:24 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : and how for the first time ever in my life

[23:46:29 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : i felt like i belonged

[23:46:38 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : no i didn't agree with pirating and things like that

[23:46:53 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : i was very strct

[23:47:04 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : but that i think was out of a lacking of self-confidence

[23:47:06 12/05/10] Leach54 : hi

[23:47:08 12/05/10] Evil Person : Hello

[23:47:16 12/05/10] Toa Kaita : Hey guys.

[23:47:21 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : a sort of fear of the world and the people in it

[23:47:29 12/05/10] Toa Kaita : Really?

[23:47:31 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : but somehow

[23:47:32 12/05/10] Evil Person : What happened, the forum was like white

[23:47:35 12/05/10] Evil Person : now it is normal

[23:47:41 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : of all the people that i had met in my life

[23:47:45 12/05/10] Toa Kaita : He put it back.

[23:47:46 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : whim i got along with

[23:47:52 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : but never really i dunno

[23:47:56 12/05/10] Leach54 : shut up ep

[23:48:01 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : jived well with

[23:48:11 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : but somehow here

[23:48:18 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : i felt like i belonged

[23:48:22 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : and i think we all did

[23:48:26 12/05/10] Evil Person : Sorry

[23:48:27 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : at least the core group of us

[23:48:36 12/05/10] Leach54 : did?

[23:48:42 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : we were once a community

[23:48:46 12/05/10] Leach54 : padt tense?

[23:48:52 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : no scratch that

[23:48:56 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : a family

[23:48:58 12/05/10] Toa Kaita : We were indeed.

[23:49:02 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : but day in and day out

[23:49:07 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : i saw things change

[23:49:17 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : i always looked at things from a third person perspective

[23:49:24 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : i sort of see life like a novel or something

[23:49:33 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : i don't get so much involved in it

[23:49:36 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : rather just watch

[23:49:40 12/05/10] Leach54 : DW, things do change. things did change, but we are still here

[23:49:58 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : well, i suppose i shall get to the point of my thought

[23:50:10 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : i think about a year ago

[23:50:13 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : something happened

[23:50:17 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : and i think it was my fault

[23:50:22 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : no, it was my fault

[23:50:35 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : and what happened, was i couldn't

[23:50:43 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : i don't know, understand it

[23:50:50 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : i couldn't understand what was happening to me

[23:51:02 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : so i had an emotional break down

[23:51:07 12/05/10] Leach54 : major sres point in life

[23:51:11 12/05/10] Leach54 : ?

[23:51:13 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : i lost my control

[23:51:22 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : and when i did that

[23:51:31 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : i don't think anyone fully recouperated from that

[23:51:32 12/05/10] Leach54 : DW, we will help you and support you wen you need it

[23:51:41 12/05/10] Toa Kaita : Agreed, leach.

[23:51:56 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : and i think that's the fact i failed to realize

[23:52:00 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : people were out for me

[23:52:04 12/05/10] Evil Person : Yah, i will help to

[23:52:05 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : people were there, guiding me

[23:52:11 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : and i was ignoring it

[23:52:26 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : and by doing so

[23:52:30 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : i let us drift

[23:52:39 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : we lost our way

[23:52:51 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : and then coming back here in January

[23:52:55 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : was sort of a rebirth

[23:53:01 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : at least that's how i saw it

[23:53:05 12/05/10] Leach54 : te herdest thing to accept and admit are your failures, I know. You know. Toa, knows. Its hell and it can f*ck your mind. (pardon my language)

[23:53:06 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : but the family was broken

[23:53:10 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : or rather cracked

[23:53:24 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : i think the family is broken now

[23:53:30 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : and it is my fault

[23:53:38 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : because i ignored everyone

[23:53:42 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : in a manner of speaking

[23:53:47 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : and i let everyone down

[23:53:57 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : i know not everyone has agreed with my past decisions

[23:54:04 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : especially recently

[23:54:10 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : but what is hurting me the most

[23:54:18 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : and i'm sorry to sound selfish

[23:54:24 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : is i see the family broken

[23:54:37 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : and i see us as being lost now

[23:54:38 12/05/10] @ Thingy : DW... I think i'm leaving my mod position

[23:54:45 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : oh

[23:54:46 12/05/10] @ Thingy : Can you manage it on your own?

[23:54:47 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : well

[23:54:48 12/05/10] Toa Kaita : ?!

[23:54:53 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : um

[23:54:55 12/05/10] Toa Kaita : Thingy...

[23:55:00 12/05/10] Toa Kaita : Wow...why?

[23:55:02 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : hold on, give me a moment to process this

[23:55:12 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : or at least let me finish my thought

[23:55:18 12/05/10] Leach54 : FML

[23:55:28 12/05/10] @ Thingy : Just a thought... Not sure yet...

[23:55:34 12/05/10] @ Thingy : But go on DW

[23:55:38 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : well, hold onto that thought

[23:55:42 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : we'll talk later

[23:55:44 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : anyways

[23:55:47 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : my thought

[23:55:52 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : yes, lost

[23:55:59 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : being the person i am

[23:56:06 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : seeing things from an outside view

[23:56:09 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : i see sides forming

[23:56:13 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : and people being hurt

[23:56:17 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : it's subtle I know

[23:56:22 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : but it's happening

[23:56:37 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : and what happens when a family grows discontent with each other

[23:56:39 12/05/10] Leach54 : I know.

[23:56:40 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : and when sides form

[23:56:50 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : the family splits, divorces

[23:56:54 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : and if that happens here

[23:57:04 12/05/10] Evil Person : my family is like that a little

[23:57:06 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : it will have proven beyond a shadow of the doubt that i was right

[23:57:12 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : and i don't want to be right

[23:57:23 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : i have spent the last month and a half thnking on this

[23:57:34 12/05/10] Leach54 : Although we may be similar, you are far older than I. I sortof now, (and will know) how you feel

[23:57:39 12/05/10] Toa Kaita : Quite a time to think.

[23:57:41 12/05/10] Leach54 : know*

[23:57:41 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : i don't want to believe that all there is to life is failure

[23:57:54 12/05/10] Leach54 : Ah f*ck DW

[23:57:58 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : i NEED to be shown

[23:58:10 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : that people can look out for each other

[23:58:16 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : that friends DO exist

[23:58:18 12/05/10] Leach54 : Stop saying thing like you are speaking directly to me and my soul

[23:58:38 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : all i have are you guys

[23:58:42 12/05/10] Toa Kaita : No, go on, this is good. Popcorn

[23:58:53 12/05/10] Toa Kaita : Continue, Darkwing.

[23:59:02 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : and if i don't have you guys

[23:59:06 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : then i don't have me

[23:59:13 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : and i will have been proven

[23:59:19 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : that my old thoughts were right

[23:59:28 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : that my doubts about my beliefs

[23:59:31 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : were wrong

[23:59:44 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : we are as our actions depict us

[23:59:56 12/05/10] @ Darkwing : not our words

[00:00:02 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : our actions

[00:00:12 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : because our actions are who we are

[00:00:18 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : all that we believe, think, feel

[00:00:23 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : is all summed up in our actions

[00:00:40 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : i have made many mistakes

[00:00:46 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : perhaps too many mistakes

[00:01:00 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : perhaps i am past the point of repentance

[00:01:08 13/05/10] Toa Kaita : Yes. You have. But you can make up for them.

[00:01:22 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : but the only way anything will work

[00:01:27 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : is if we stay together

[00:01:34 13/05/10] Toa Kaita : Exactly.

[00:01:37 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : if we look out for each other like we used to

[00:01:56 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : i have been trying to change

[00:01:59 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : honest i have

[00:02:04 13/05/10] @ Thingy : ...

[00:02:08 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : it has been the most difficult thing i have ever done

[00:02:17 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : and in the process of me changing

[00:02:23 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : actions had to be taken

[00:02:33 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : i still hold to the fact that M needed to be banned

[00:02:43 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : but i take responsibilty for it

[00:02:48 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : for all my actions

[00:02:56 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : they are of my doing and my doing alone

[00:03:01 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : i have been called many names here

[00:03:11 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : from power hungry meglomaniac

[00:03:24 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : to goody two shoes

[00:03:26 13/05/10] Evil Person : Sorry if i have ever called you a name

[00:03:39 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : i have been

[00:03:46 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : in a very unwinnable situation

[00:03:52 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : since the time this forum began

[00:03:58 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : because what i have observed

[00:04:10 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : is that people didn;t like me when i was super high on morals

[00:04:22 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : but they dislike me even worse now

[00:04:26 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : so much so

[00:04:34 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : that they're willing to destroy the family

[00:04:42 13/05/10] Toa Kaita : What do you think needs to be done?

[00:04:55 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : i don't know

[00:05:06 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : i have never dealt with a situation like this before

[00:05:18 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : i don't believe just saying kind words to everyone will make it all better

[00:05:22 13/05/10] Evil Person : I think we need to all sit down in the chat

[00:05:25 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : sometimes the fire has to reign on certain people

[00:05:29 13/05/10] Evil Person : and talk about whats bothering each of us

[00:05:32 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : unfortunately

[00:05:44 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : i have always had to be the one to bring the fire down

[00:05:53 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : nobody else is there to do it

[00:06:09 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : and i do have a job to do as well

[00:06:12 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : but

[00:06:14 13/05/10] Toa Kaita : Are you suggesting a changing of the guard?

[00:06:22 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : i need to work with the people more

[00:06:32 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : no, i tried that once before and it didn't work

[00:06:41 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : this is my baby to feed, love and care for

[00:06:49 13/05/10] Leach54 : remember when i wanted to ban EP from DOF

[00:06:54 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : it also means from time to time, it's my baby to punish as well

[00:07:02 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : but i wouldn't let you

[00:07:06 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : time and time again

[00:07:13 13/05/10] Leach54 : Im not asking to admin here

[00:07:13 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : i told you to wait

[00:07:28 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : i've learned that making people admin here doesn't help

[00:07:34 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : they're just an over-glourified mod

[00:07:39 13/05/10] Leach54 : but yes, you said no and i proceded to get mad at you

[00:07:43 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : in the end, i dealt with all the nasty problems

[00:07:49 13/05/10] Leach54 : ok, ill wait

[00:08:07 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : so having more admin isn't the solution

[00:08:11 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : and i understand

[00:08:14 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : people slip up

[00:08:23 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : and i have been more than leniant to a lot of people here

[00:08:27 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : why take M for an example

[00:08:28 13/05/10] Leach54 : no, but haveing someone to listen to is what you need

[00:08:33 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : i let it go for nearly two years

[00:08:49 13/05/10] Leach54 : not someone to tell you what to do

[00:08:52 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : but i shouldn't quenched the fire back then instead of now

[00:09:00 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : *should've

[00:09:10 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : because waiting and letting it continue

[00:09:19 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : and just giving verbal warnings wasn't really anything

[00:09:32 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : it was just a "please be good next time, please, pretty please"

[00:09:39 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : and on most people it works

[00:09:51 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : and it doesn't even count as a strike or anything usually

[00:10:11 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : but anyways

[00:10:17 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : i think you all know what i'm saying here

[00:11:26 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : and i think that nobody truly understands me

[00:11:32 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : i don;t understand me

[00:11:40 13/05/10] Leach54 : no on ever will

[00:11:40 13/05/10] Toa Kaita : Quite a paradox.

[00:11:41 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : you want to know a secret

[00:11:49 13/05/10] Leach54 : noty you nor i nor toa or EP

[00:11:52 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : this is difficult

[00:11:53 13/05/10] Toa Kaita : Shoot.

[00:12:11 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : geez, hard to say the right way

[00:12:17 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : well, let's just say

[00:12:28 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : i'm not the cold, cruel, heartless plant that everyone thnks i am

[00:12:45 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : that's my shield

[00:12:50 13/05/10] Leach54 : i will listen and think the best i can, lnow that even if i dont understand, i do care

[00:12:50 13/05/10] @ Thingy : we know

[00:12:52 13/05/10] @ Thingy : or at least i do

[00:12:56 13/05/10] Evil Person : never thought you were one DW

[00:12:57 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : that's what i tell myself everyday, hoping one day i'll truly believe it

[00:13:08 13/05/10] @ Thingy : i'm kidding with you when i say you're a plant or something like that

[00:13:15 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : i have and have had in the past with different people

[00:13:23 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : a minor crush on someone

[00:13:28 13/05/10] @ Thingy : you might use it as your shell, but we all know there's a person down there

[00:13:43 13/05/10] Toa Kaita : Damn straight thingy.

[00:13:46 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : so can you see my internal conflict here

[00:13:53 13/05/10] Leach54 : DW, there is something i want you to do.

[00:13:57 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : i admit, i am different

[00:14:00 13/05/10] Leach54 : You act correct>

[00:14:03 13/05/10] Leach54 : ?

[00:14:15 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : most of the time i could care less about girls and whatnot

[00:14:25 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : and i generally have no interest in getting into a relationship

[00:14:32 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : because i see a load of consequences

[00:14:41 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : and if this family destroys itself from the inside

[00:14:48 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : then there will never be hope for me

[00:14:58 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : because i will just tell myself that my feelings are wrong

[00:15:04 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : that the facts are the facts

[00:15:14 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : no matter what i want believe or feel

[00:15:38 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : peopel simply can't get along with each other for long terms

[00:15:44 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : that's what i'll tell myself

[00:15:52 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : and if this place goes down the shithole

[00:16:00 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : i will believe that to the day i die

[00:16:28 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : well

[00:16:32 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : that was my thought

[00:16:48 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : guess it was really more than one thought

[00:16:50 13/05/10] Evil Person : DW, yous should write a noval, or be one of those people that helps others just talk about there problems

[00:16:55 13/05/10] Leach54 : we have certainly had a rough time.

[00:17:05 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : that's actually what i think i will be

[00:17:26 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : or at least something similar

[00:18:03 13/05/10] Leach54 : there is a shit hole. In it exists life. Buyfrom shit, can grw a flower

[00:18:16 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : i certainly hope so

[00:18:25 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : because if we can't grow that flower

[00:18:30 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : nobody can

[00:18:43 13/05/10] @ Thingy : ...

[00:19:06 13/05/10] Evil Person : Sorry to compleatly change the subject

[00:19:16 13/05/10] Evil Person : this is a question i have had for like a week now

[00:19:30 13/05/10] @ Thingy : ''how u mine for fish''?

[00:19:42 13/05/10] Evil Person : DW, can i take on the job of Finishing BM 3, or would you one day consiter finishing it?

[00:19:49 13/05/10] Evil Person : i dont need a source or anything

[00:19:54 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : no, you can go right ahead

[00:19:55 13/05/10] Leach54 : You have rough spots, and so do i. so does Toa, lets be honest. The three of us relate to each other. At least, thats how I see it.

[00:20:09 13/05/10] Leach54 : it was yours for the taking

[00:20:12 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : i think more than just the three of us relate

[00:20:21 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : i think that's our problem

[00:20:27 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : we see ourselves as the three

[00:20:28 13/05/10] Leach54 : ya, but we are the ones presant

[00:20:39 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : and a different group on the forum sees themselves as the five

[00:20:40 13/05/10] Evil Person : Thanks DW, and DW, it will get better, with time, and the care of alot of people (Including myself

[00:20:43 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : and so on and so forth

[00:20:54 13/05/10] Leach54 : keep going

[00:20:57 13/05/10] @ Darkwing : we need to see each other as the one

Sorry if i get this wrong cause of my poor reading but it sounds like to me that you thinking a steping down from admin..

no no, I'm thinking we need to start working together for each other instead of playing the hidden agendas game.

Sure. I know I tend to sit back and throw acid at people.

re. people not getting on over time, that's what holidays are for. Now and again, go away from the forum for a week or so. Then you come back refreshed and bringing something new to the mix.

i had a vacation once. it was last year for three days. most interesting, i will have to try this vacation thing again sometime

i still remember that... i played a huge part in settling the community down, sorta came from inactivenes...... and thats what im doing again. from now on, im going to try and get on here every day and post in the community. im going to start RPing again(not long though) but i think i need to help this out again.

Whow... What you did up there took a lot of guts... Revealing to us all how you really are...

I must have said this several times to you, as most of us have...

Close the computer, and walk around, breathe the air... Try going out with friends and try to integrate with their groups... I have done that this year for the first time in years...

I got my first 16 yo crush thanks to that, and although it didn't come to anything, I'm happy that I had that... Maybe, with the next chance, I won't fail... With this or any other girl...

Maybe you should open your heart to people out there, as you did with us...

Go to your best friend and talk with him about your personal life problems, come to a chat to talk about you "internet" and personal life aspects and problems...

There's a popular say, that says: "Learn with your mistakes..."; that will make you happy on the end of the line...

Good Luck with that DW

Now please don't kill me for being hormonal!!!!!!

I had actually recently thought of taking a small break from here myself. Then again,I figured Id probably miss all the fun, so I said to myself, screw vacations. xD

I already took a break, its called when i am asleep, last week when i couldent find time to post, and oh yeah, um, when i am at school.