Dog/Cat Diary - Another funny by Leach

by **Leach54** 2009-05-08, 00:37

Sry for my lack of funnies.

>
> DOG DIARY
>
> 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
> 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
> 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
> 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
> 12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!
> 1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
> 3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite Thing!
> 5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
> 7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
> 8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
> 11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
>
> CAT DIARY
>
> Day 983 of my captivity.
> My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
> They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed
> hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the
> rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to
keep
> up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
>
> In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
>
> Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
I
> had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
> demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending
> comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards!
>
> There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed
> in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could
> hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was
due
> to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means, and
how to use
> it to my advantage.
>
> Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
> tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
> again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
>
> I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
>
> The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems
> to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.